What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

When is the last time you truly felt confident? Was is recent? Was it never?

When you close your eyes and think of a confident person, what springs to mind?

In today’s episode, we discuss how to be that person in your vision, and how knowing who you are and feeling like you belong relate to this elusive state of self-confidence.

We pack in tools I use in my coaching practice and Cynthia uses in her therapy practice all to help build confidence, and explore what healthy validation from others looks like.

What we discussed:

(00:49) Intro to topic: I want to be more confident...

(02:31) Looking at the "recipe" for confidence

(05:32) What keeps us from feeling confident

(06:45) Creating "ports" to own our greatness

(09:45) What the world tells us about confidence

(10:46) The in-out-in method for confidence

(12:35) Why do we care what people think

(15:21) What to do when our environment kills our confidence

(17:37) Confidence and connection go hand in hand

(19:38) The 3 wins method to build confidence

(21:12) Going on a quest for self-promotion

(23:51) What is self-validation?

(24:20) Closing with a quote

(25:27) Get in touch

For further reading and tools:

Tools and resources we discussed in the episode:

Self-Reflection: What do I want to be known for?

Mel Robbins-3 Wins (1 last 24 hours, 1 last 90 days, 1 next 90 days)

Celebrate your accomplishments and strengths

Write below all the accomplishments you can think of, even from when you were little. They can be big or small, public ones or private ones. Then write down words that describe your strengths, such as reliable, caring, curious, strong, etc.

In-Out-In Method of Validating

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

1. Biological and physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.

2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, stability, freedom from fear.

3. Love and belongingness needs - friendship, intimacy, trust, and acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. Affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work).

4. Esteem needs - which Maslow classified into two categories: (i) esteem for oneself (dignity, achievement, mastery, independence) and (ii) the need to be accepted and valued by others (e.g., status, prestige).

Books:

“the Confidence Code” by Russ Harris

“You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero

“Start Where you are” Journal of Exploration

Using Your Character Strengths to Build Confidence

Identifying and utilizing your strengths can help you be more resilient and build confidence. Check out the VIA Character Strengths survey and examine your results to find some strengths you could use to build more confidence in your day-to-day life.

Quote for reflection:

"Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth). Make the growth choice a dozen times a day."

Abraham Maslow

Definition: Self-validation is when you are able to quietly reassure yourself that what you feel inside is real, is important, and makes sense.

Want to get in touch?

Email us at podcast@knomii.coach or madeline@knomii.coach to request a topic, give feedback, or learn more about our 1:1 sessions.

Follow Knomii on Instagram, TikTok, or LinkedIn.

Follow and connect with Madeline on Linkedin.

Follow and connect with Cynthia on Linkedin.

Hosts & Guests

Cynthia Garrett, LMHC Host

Madeline Farquharson Host

Information

Show: The Knomii Podcast

Published 11/21/2022

Season 1

Rating: Clean

Frequency: Updated Bi-monthly

Length: 25 min

Episode 6